no 13

Without form and of no substance,
I am a disjunction between then and next
as if a crack, a seam, a
narrow impossible space,
a contradiction to time
animated and passing
these animated and passing
faces and moving through the
strands of their conversations, 
so many webs.
Loneliness converges with the crowd.
I am there.
I am not there.

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no 12

Like a hand clenched, grapsing hard
but not grapsing onto anything,
holding nothing
but emptiness;
holding nothing
but what was there a moment ago.

Like a hand clenched, my body.

For so many weeks I wouldn’t sleep
with this tight, anxious worry.

But I am not sleeping tonight,
but this gentle unease is something new.

What is this?
This is desire.
I want to unclench my body,
I want to touch you.

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Bike erosion

Bloomington, Indiana. October 2012.

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Untitled

Untitled

Downtown Bloomington, Indiana. October, 2012.

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no 11

Despite the light’s
warm clarity,

that was the darkest summer
of my life.

She approached,
then fled,

then approached,
then fled.

An illusion like shimmering
black silk

in the night
below her pale face.

A mirage;
she was a mirage.

And I chased her,
finding nothing but shadow.

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no 10 desire

What is desire, anyways?
An emptiness longing for an emptiness
separated one from the other by the warmth
of the body and the smoothness
of our skin.
 
Creation through desire as
it cleaves the void into two,
into here and there and
into you and I.
 
The desire realizes me manifest.
But the fulfillment
the collapse of the barriers between
here and there
you and I
would be an annihilation.
 
I have been and not been
and been and not been and
been and not been.
The ceaseless here and there
and you and I.
 
I long to extinguish desire
and desire the end of longing.
There is nothing there and
there is nothing here.

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no 9

When I no longer can have you
when you are beyond possibility . . .
that is when the body wants,
needs
you.

And when you were near
it was quiet
from fear.
This body was quiet.
Fear of what?
Of wants,
of needs,
of you?

Contradictions like knots
these thoughts here,
near with me tonight.

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no 8

 

If I had looked on you
with more desire,
with more hunger,
with more need,
you would here
and would mine
this moment
here in the night.
 
I heal to be with you
and when I heal I need less
and when I need less you want less
and why did I ever did I?
 
The motivation eats itself,
filled with more desire,
with more hunger
with more need.

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no 7

How do
you
express
any thoughts, any feelings, any moments
unfolding
forward
in time?

How do you?

How do you? And can I?

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no 6

 
In a time, in a place
where there is nothing for me.
No hand, no face,
no voice, no thing.
 
In a time, in a place
where I am now nothing,
then nothing, next nothing.
No hand, no face,
no voice, no thing.
 
I have come to the end of time.
There is no forward
and back is past.
 
In a place
where there is nothing for me.

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